My Birth Story

It was for the longest time that I was entertaining the idea of not having children mainly out of fear of giving birth. Coming from a family where most of the women experienced trauma during labor I grew up seeing birth as a something near physical torture. I was afraid to die giving birth or to go through excruciating pain for endless hours. My grandmother gave birth at home to four out of her 5 children and I would always hear the same negative anecdote where my uncle was born purple and almost died. I also grew up listening to how my mother was breeched and how they had to rush to the hospital and how the umbilical cord of my aunt was wrapped around her neck and almost died. I also witnessed the very painful and complicated C-section recovery of my cousin when I was 9 years old. On top of that, my mother is a medical doctor and so are other members of my family and they all followed the medical model which is full of fearful stories like these. It comes to no surprise that I wanted to avoid going through that torture! I was also terrified of hospitals and even more of homebirth. I remember when I was around 9 years old I said to my mother that if I ever gave birth it would be at home; of course, they all thought I was crazy and projected all their fears onto me. They had the idea that homebirth was so dangerous and chances of dying were greater during home births.  It wasn’t until I started to unlearn so many myths around birth and started to fully understand the physiology of birth and why all those horror stories happened in the first place that my fears started to decrease. I started to gather as much information as I could so I could gain more control and avoid repeating the same horror stories that had been perpetuated in my family for generations. I started to realize that fear comes from a lack of knowledge and the more knowledge I obtained the less fear I had. With knowledge I gained some level of control, I was at least in control of my decisions and options. Before I started to educate myself in the birthing world, I didn’t even know I had options and that I could say NO to the medical model and refuse so many unnecessary interventions that were the main cause of all the complications and terror stories I had heard and witnessed. My first glimpse at birth paradise was with the podcast Birthing Instincts with Dr. Stu and Blyss and the course Pain Free Birth by Karen Walton  (I do not get compensation for mentioning them. I am just sharing what helped me the most in the hopes that it would do the same for others). I remember listening and discovering all these amazing information and options and I started little by little to open up to the possibility that I could make it during labor. The more I immersed myself into that beautiful world of homebirth and physiological birth, the more excited and confident I got about my chances of having a blissful homebirth. One night, I was reading an amazing book called Your Best Birth and I read how in Tennessee there is this wonderful place called The Farm where hundreds of women from all over the world travel there to give birth with highly skilled and knowledgeable midwives. I then learned in the book of Ina May’s Guide to Birth that she was the founder of The Farm in TN. I just couldn’t believe that was an option! I quickly went to Google to find out if they were still active and to my surprise they were and still are! I immediately told my husband the news and we both got very excited to the point that we agreed that when our time came, we would do our best to travel to The Farm so we could have our baby there. At that time, we were not trying to get pregnant yet but we were doing all the research and education necessary to help make a wise decision based on knowledge and not on fear. I purchased the birthing course even ahead of getting pregnant because remember, I was terrified of giving birth so, I needed to continue learning as much as possible to be convinced that I could give birth and live to tell the story. I was fascinated by the physiologic birthing process but I am not going to lie, when I got to the part of active labor, I put the course down and took a break for a couple of weeks from the topic. I continued listening to the great podcast Birthing Instincts and I continued to gain more confidence as I continued my journey. Around that same time, my husband and I decided we wanted to heal our stories and past emotional baggage and get spiritually ready before having a baby and getting married. We started looking for options that would feel right for us. We finally found the option that made us say “hell yeah, we are doing this!”. We eloped to Peru to do an Ayahuasca retreat and get married right there after our last Ayahuasca Ceremony. We were having an Inca Wedding! The reason why I am talking about this in my birth story, is because it was after my Ayahuasca ceremonies that I felt the strong calling that indicated to me that I was ready to get pregnant and go through birth! I healed SO much during those 3 ceremonies that I came out operating from a new reality and more attuned than ever with nature and my own spirit. I released so much trauma and so many fears during my first ceremony that when I got out of what is called “The Dark Night of the Soul” I felt as if  I had just been reborn. I felt so relieved and so soft as you would feel when you are reborn and have been through nothing negative yet. It was after those spiritual experiences that I felt ready to start trying to get pregnant! We made the decision that it was time to try and I was beyond excited to go through this beautiful journey. When we found out I was pregnant, it felt like we had just jumped into another reality. We were so happy and in shock at the same time; it happened so fast (first try!). At that moment, our plan got activated and we called the local birth center of our choice. We found out that it was not legal for the midwives to do breech births there and that it was hard to find a well trained midwife that was comfortable “delivering” breech babies. I did not feel comfortable with that limitation because in the case that my baby was breech that would mean I needed to get a C-section at the hospital and that was not an option for me. So, we called The Farm and hired our Midwife after deciding we would have the prenatal care locally and then we would travel to TN 2 weeks before the “due date” to have the baby there at The Farm. 

I started to read another of the books from my collection called Fearless Pregnancy to continue my unlearning process from decades of myths and fear-inducing anecdotes surrounding pregnancy and birth. The course of all my pregnancy was such a peaceful journey. I remember saying often to my husband “this pregnancy experience is everything I ever wanted and more”. What I meant by that is that my experience was extremely peaceful, full of joy, happiness and spiritual connection. I was so grateful for having made the decision to get out of the medical model and having all my prenatal care at my terms. I was in charge of all my decisions and the midwives at the birthing center were respectful of my choices. I was so amazed at how they operated from an “trust nature and your body” type of mindset vs. the alarmist mindset of the medical model that I had been exposed to all my life. I even had to set firm boundaries with my mother because of her medical background and all the myths surrounding pregnancy and birth. When the day to go to The Farm came, my husband and I were beyond excited and happy. We were so close to having our dream birth! Upon our arrival to The Farm, we met with our midwife (we had met before in one of our trips there as part of the process) and had a warm welcome. She introduced me to the team that would be assisting since I had accepted to have 2 students of The Farm Midwifery school as part of the team. As the days went by, I continued to feel so excited and confident of having the homebirth. It was until I started to realize that I was little by little giving my power away to the midwife and her extensive knowledge and fame in the world of birth. I started to become a bit nervous after finding out certain things that were not in alignment with my initial vision. It was from there and on that great lessons started to show up. The first lesson came when I realized I did not ask important and relevant questions to my midwife before hiring her because “it is The Farm! This place is the sanctuary of birth; Ina May founded it and hundreds of women travel here from all over the world to have a sacred and respected birth!”. At the time of hiring the midwife I felt there was no  need to ask silly questions such as “do you work with pregnant women that go past 41 weeks?” since in the books by Ina May it was the norm to put no pressure in the timing of the delivery. It was shocking to me to hear my midwife say “oh no, we won’t let you get to 42 weeks”. It was there when I started to have some anxiety because I was not expecting to be pressured nor to hear the type of language that takes your power away such as “we won’t let you”. This is what I mean when I say that the lessons began. I took complete accountability of the fact that it was my responsibility to have made sure she was aligned with my vision. Instead, I handed all my power away to the wisdom of The Farm instead of having had the mentality of “the wisdom to birth my baby lies within me and I am in charge of all the decisions unless there is evidence of risk”. I did decline some procedures that they wanted me to do which was also shocking to me that they were even offered in the first place. It may look that I am giving a bad reputation to The Farm here but the reality is far from it. My intention with sharing some of my birth story is to show you that in the moment you give your power away even to the best of the best in the industry; you are down for a lesson. The day came where my midwife started to feel concerned that I was not going into labor after me having some inconsistent contractions (they were like cramping). She had told me to start taking a homeopathic tincture called gentle birth to help my uterus get ready and I remember thinking “I don’t like the idea of taking anything. I rather allow my body to do what is meant to do” but then I read online SO MANY benefits that I gave it (another moment where I ignored my intuition). Baby continued to be fine and so was I. However, my midwife’s concern grew with every passing day and so did my anxiety and fear. Once again, I was told to take some homeopathic little pills to get the body to have contractions to speed up the process. I was 41 weeks and 2 days in. I still had more time since the baby was healthy, I was healthy and in the world of homebirth, it was pretty standard to get past 42 weeks + a few days especially if you are a first time mother. Since I was already feeling fear and anxiety, I was no longer listening to my body and intuition so much. I was listening to my midwives' concern and her way of doing things. Do not get me wrong, she is highly knowledgeable and was doing all of this out of care. However, I gave all my power to her and to the fame of The Farm. If you have done some research in the world of homebirth and have read some good books about it, you would know that in the moment you give your power away and you start to doubt yourself, give into fear and allow for unnecessary interventions you will end up in the hospital and things can go on the other direction. Moving on with the story, the homeopathic pills the midwife was giving me started to have some effect; the contractions were coming closer and more intense. At this point, I was managing  well since I was applying all the good knowledge I had obtained from my birth course. I was doing all my best to go inward and to embrace each wave/contraction. However, I was interrupted very often by the team because they were checking the baby’s heart and my pulse so often. Things were definitely not going as I had envisioned and we had discussed with them. I had no privacy and was constantly pulled out of my labor zone. As the contractions started to pick up and I was interrupted from my mental process I started to get uncomfortable and a bit desperate. It was around that moment that my midwife told me “we need to get some help” and I asked “you mean go to the hospital?” and she said “yes, your pulse is getting a bit high”. I remember her being very calm while she told me that “this is not an emergency but it will be best if we move to a place that has more equipment because all we have here is homeopathic things”. At that moment, those news were music to my ears. I was so overwhelmed and tired already after 3 days of on and off contractions that I just wanted the labor to be over. We got all our things including the “birth plan document” we had in the scenario that we had to go to the hospital. The moment my husband and I got into the car I felt so relieved since it was just him and I. It was calmed and quiet (the midwife was in her own car). Suddenly,  I started to experience an uncontrollable urge to push, my body was bearing down to push and I couldn’t stop it. It felt AMAZING. I told my husband “call the midwife and tell her that I cannot stop pushing”. I was really hoping I would give birth in the car. To my dislike, we parked into the hospital and all I remember was pulling my pants down because liquid was coming out and I was confident the baby could come out at any moment. I was wheeled inside the hospital and thankfully, my midwife took care of all the paperwork and all the inconveniences you experience at a hospital. It was at that moment that she was the most helpful to me. I will be forever thankful to her for the way she advocated for me at the hospital and for doing everything in her power to push for natural birth and avoid a C-section. When they asked me if I wanted an epidural I said I was not sure yet. I declined it at that moment. Then, since I had no more control of my inner wisdom and I was so out of tune with myself and my intuition, I once again gave my power away and asked the midwife for her opinion on whether or not an epidural was recommended. She was hesitant to give me an answer because she knew it was a very personal and important decision. However, she told me “you still have like 4 more hours to go”. That was my cue to take the epidural because at that point, I was so disconnected from myself that I knew things could get so wrong if I continue experiencing so much fear, overwhelm, and intensity. Here comes the big surprise, I had the best time ever while in the hospital. The staff was so caring and patient. It turned out that the hospital was run mainly by midwives and it was not as medicalized as I thought it would be; It was a small hospital. The nurse that was assigned to me was the sweetest and most caring nurse I have ever encountered; her name was Lauren and was training to be a midwife. The midwife in charge was not as sweet (she was far in her pregnancy and probably uncomfortable) but was very skilled and did her best so I could have a natural delivery. After the epidural started to have its effect, I became very happy, optimistic and cheerful again. I was able to finally collect myself and feel in control and aware. All I cared about at that point was that my baby was healthy and that it was a matter of a few hours before I could finally hug him.  I was at the same time trying to make peace with my decision of accepting the epidural and continue to be unattached to my initial plan and focus more on the process and on doing my best. When it comes to giving birth, you have to be open, flexible and unattached to your birth plan. After 4 hours of directed pushing (with the epidural the pushing phase is so much longer because you don’t feel anything) my beautiful boy was born! I heard the nurse while she said “he is perfect” and that gave me the most relief I had ever felt in my whole life. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw him. I was in shock for a few minutes, I was breathing out the birth and breathing in my baby. I was so ecstatic. I will be forever grateful to my midwife that stayed with us all the way in the hospital and left when she confirmed the baby and I were healthy and well taken care of. She made sure the baby was latching and showed me how to properly position him for breastfeeding. At the end, I did end up having a very happy birthing experience despite things going totally out of my plans. I never thought I would say that I had a very happy hospital birth! 

 

As you can see by now, I did everything in my willpower to have an unmedicated out of hospital birth experience. I read several books, traveled out of state to give birth at The Farm in TN, did affirmations, listened to hypnobirthing audios. took an amazing birth course and listened to a highly informative and educational podcast. However, I had so many powerful negative subconscious beliefs about birth that despite all my efforts to rewrite them, they took over and ran the show last minute. Luckily, I did end up having a very happy and natural hospital birth. 

 I wish I had found PSYCH-K®  during my pregnancy so I could have reprogrammed my subconscious mind from all those limiting and negative beliefs about birth. I wish I had done  Balances such as "My body was designed to give birth”. “I trust my body to know how to birth my baby”, “I trust in my innate ability to birth”, “I advocate for me and my baby with confidence and ease”, “my team is on my side and supports my vision”, “giving birth is safe”, “I feel peace, calm and joy during labor”, you get the idea (you can refer to the section of FAQ's so you can learn what a Balance is and how it helps).  I did use PSYCH-K® to heal my birthing experience as soon as it arrived into my life; I forgave myself for having given my power away and I let go of those people I was holding responsible for the negative way I felt during the process. I also used PSYCH-K® to heal from postpartum anxiety. Actually, that was my first experience with PSYCH-K® (healing postpartum anxiety).  After just one session, my elevated anxiety dissipated and my healing process took an accelerated speed! That is how my journey in PSYCH-K® began.  As you can see by now, I was inspired by my own birthing experience to create the Birthing in Blyss package where I can facilitate this wonderful process called PSYCH-K® to pregnant woman for them to fully release all their subconscious fears and negative beliefs/traumas around the birthing world for them to have their best birth. Additionally, the package I created allows you to take control of your pregnancy journey by reprogramming all fears surrounding it and by enabling you to fully and genuinely trust in your body and its divine intelligence. Thank you so much for ready and I cannot wait to facilitate this beautiful process to you!